Bang for Your Buck: Spend Smart & Stress Less in Mediation & Court (Part I)

This is going to be a two-part series on best tips and practices because these are common things that keep coming up that I’m constantly being asked and I really want you as the listener and the general public to be empowered and know how to get the best bang for your buck, how to try to move through the judicial system as quickly, as inexpensively, and as peacefully as possible. So we’re going to go through some best tips and practice, and this might even be a two-part series. So let’s just get started. The first thing that I want everybody to know is, number one, you get what you pay for. If you want to go cheap, well, that’s your choice, but if It might actually show in the results and the timelines and everything that you’re trying to achieve. Number two, the most expensive doesn’t always mean the best. So just because you may have an attorney that’s $450, $550, $800 an hour does not mean that they’re better than the $300 an hour attorney. Number three, you have to pay to play. Nobody is going to work for free. Not an attorney, not a mediator, not a guardian ad litem. Nobody is working for free. So if you want to play, you have to pay. And even if you don’t want to play, but the other party is paying to play, you’re going to have to play. And that means it’s going to cost you. Nothing is for free. So remember, though… and this is the analogy that I give people, that you have a job. So you go into work and who is paying you? The employer. So the employer gets to pay you and tell you what to do. And you as the employee, well, you have to do what the employer says because they’re paying you to do a job. The same thing is true that when you get what you pay for and you’re paying, whether it’s expensive or inexpensive or moderate, and if you have to pay to play, guess what? You’re the one paying the money. Therefore, you’re the one calling the shots. The attorneys work for you. You’re the employer. You’re paying the money. So you need to be on top of your case. Not just sit back and wait and see what happens. Stay on top of it. You’re in charge. Number two, the attorney is there to guide you and give you the legal advice. And you do need to follow them. They know certain things about maybe what the judge is looking for or maybe what is necessary dealing with the attorney on the other side. They know the legal process. That’s what they do every day, all day. But they still work for you. So ask the questions. Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions. Don’t be afraid to say, hey, what’s taking so long? Why am I not getting results? Why is this only happening? Why are we not at mediation yet? Where’s my temporary relief? What’s the delay? Don’t be afraid to ask those questions. You’re the one paying the money. Therefore, ask the questions. All right, so now that you understand that you get what you pay for, The most expensive is not always the best, and you’ve got to pay to play. When you select your attorney or mediator, do your research. Ask questions. Basically, interview them. You’re seeing, hey, is this an employee that I want to work for me? And so… Ask the questions, not just along the way like we were just discussing, but even like basically you’re going in and interviewing them to see, hey, is this an attorney a good fit? Is this mediator a good fit? Don’t just take the attorney’s word for things just because they’re an attorney or don’t take the mediator’s words. Whatever they may tell you if you’re interviewing them, I get calls all the time asking me questions, not legal advice, but ask me questions about the mediation process. And so it’s important that you ask the questions. Now, that means that you need to be educated. You need to understand the current laws. So It’s important. Sydney and I for, I don’t know, a year, two years and past episodes have always stated that it is so important to know your current laws and your current state when it comes to the issues that you are dealing with. So, for example, you need to know what the laws are. If you’ve got children, you need to know what the current laws are in your state at the time that you are about to go through this process for parenting. What does the law say for parenting? Is there a rebuttable presumption? Does the law favor dads over moms, moms over dads? What is the law when it comes to timesharing? What is the law when it comes to equitable distribution? Is it community property or is it something else? What is the law when it comes to equitable distribution? When it comes to alimony, what are the laws on alimony? Is there a calculator? Do you have to show things? What is the law? Number four, what’s child support? How’s it calculated? What are the laws? And so it’s important to know what are child support related things that are either included in the child support guidelines or left outside of the guidelines. What’s the law on attorney’s fees? These are things that always come up. People are always arguing in mediation and things that you need to know as the general public, as the listener. You need to know these things going into looking for an attorney or even a mediator. So the simplest way, and I’m in Florida, so the simplest way that you can get a lot of information on current laws and the ability to empower yourself and look to see what’s going on, do a simple Google search for Florida family law statute, and you’re going to get a lot of things that are going to pop up. You’re going to get the Florida statutes. You’re going to get family law rules and opinions. You’re going to get the 2024 Florida statutes and 25 special session from online sunshine. You’re going to get chapter 61 of Florida statute, which is the entire statute on family law. And it’s important that you read that, you know that, you understand that, because then when an attorney is telling you something or a mediator is telling you something, you know whether or not they are just feeding you a line and telling you what you want to hear or whether or not they are actually going to do their job. And their job, number one, is to give you information. and give you legal advice, good, sound legal advice. The second thing is they need to manage your expectations because you may come in wanting certain things, asking for certain things, and they may not even comport with the law. And so a lot of times an attorney may just be like, oh, well, that’s what you want. Fine. We’re going to file that. And then later on down the road, you’re greatly disappointed. And we’ll get into that in just a little bit. So again, know your your current laws in your state. Now, here’s another great tip. If you are dealing with a divorce action or a paternity action that involves children, so maybe it’s a divorce action and it’s just equitable distribution and alimony. Maybe you remarry later in life, you don’t have kids or whatnot, but if you are divorcing and you have children or if it’s a paternity action, which means you definitely have children, the best practice is is to select an attorney that actually has children or has been divorced, unfortunately. Do your homework because It’s really difficult. And I get this all the time. I’ll never forget sitting in mediation many, many, many years ago. And the mother actually put her hand up in front of the attorney’s face and said, you don’t get this. The mediator gets this, but you don’t get this. You’ve never been married. You don’t have kids. You don’t understand. And that was so true. It’s so powerful and so true. And I received a phone call the other day from Yeah. a father and he felt like his attorney just was not pushing and advocating hard enough and fast enough and actually said, my attorney doesn’t even have kids. He’s not even married. And so it might be a best practice or a good tip that if you are going to select an attorney, then make sure that they’ve got kids because they’re going to identify with, oh my gosh, what would it feel like not to see my kid for a week or two weeks? Or what if my spouse actually took Oh, my gosh. you’re just frantic and hurried and want to be reunited with your kids. And so best practices, you might want to get an attorney that actually has kids and or has been divorced. All right, so when selecting an attorney and mediator, rather than maybe just a Google search, which is good, reading Google reviews, which is good, sometimes the best way to find somebody is ask your family. even recommendations to avoid. Like, oh yeah, I had this attorney or this mediator or this guardian ad litem. They were awful. Absolutely stay away from them. Another really interesting place that you might want to go to find an attorney or a mediator is Facebook.com. actually has mom’s groups and dad’s groups and divorce groups. And I’ve actually been told by a number of people, it’s like, yeah, you know, I was part of a Facebook mom’s group and you did a mediation for one of the moms on there and, you know, they highly recommended you. I was like, wow, there’s a Facebook mom’s group? Apparently so. But again, this goes back to do your homework. You Don’t just go for the least expensive or the most expensive, but do your homework. One of the very important questions to ask when it comes to actually interviewing your attorney or your mediator is ask when the last time they went to a family law seminar like the AAML Annual Conference. That’s the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyer Conference that they have every year in Orlando here in Florida. when was the last time that they received recent updated case law and training now at that conference we get that every single year the last session of the conference is all the new updated case law and we get that year to year to year now that is not an inexpensive conference I mean it’s two days and it’s long hours you’re missing a day of work hotel the conference itself costs but it is an investment in your business as a practitioner. And for you, the general public, looking for an attorney or mediator, it’s important that your attorney is updating. I mean, yes, there are CLEs, which is the Continuing Legal Education, or CMEs, Continual Mediator Education, that we have to do to renew our certifications and licenses. But there’s a lot of ways to do that. You can just simply download material online and read it or listen to it or just pay. It shows that you paid it. Maybe you didn’t even listen to it. And now you just send in your form going, oh, yeah, I access this. And so I got this. And they just renew your license or your certification. That does not mean that you know what you’re doing. That does not mean that you are up to date on the changes in the law and the case law. So, you know, also when choosing a mediator, choosing an attorney, It does not matter if they’ve been practicing for five years or 30 years. When was the last time they updated, went to a conference, got updated case law training? When was that? Because, you know, I know for me personally, You know, I want to constantly, not just, okay, so, you know, 18 years ago, I went and I got certified to do mediation. Yeah, that’s fine. But, you know, I was constantly wanting to get better and better and better as a mediator so that I can help people, not just be like, oh, yeah, you know, I got certified as a family mediator in 2008 and certified as a county mediator in 2007. And, okay, you know, then I did a training certification in 2012. And, you know, I got dependency and appellate certification in 2009 and 2011. Yeah, you know, I got these certifications. Yeah, these were like 40 hours of certification. And they were very good, very, very good training. But in 2019, I started paying thousands of dollars to go to other institutions to do executive training courses that are not required for anything. No one’s requiring me. It’s not like, oh, you need to go do these so you can stay a mediator and keep your license. No, I wanted to do better. I wanted to learn more. I wanted to become a better negotiator for the people that I’m helping. So I chose in 2019 to go and take a negotiation mastery program at Harvard Business School. And then I chose to spend more money to go and do a mastery negotiation executive education program at Harvard Law School. And then two years later, I chose again to do another master program on leadership and negotiation. And then in 2024, Again, I chose to go to New York City to Columbia Business School and take a Persuasion Without Authority executive education training program. And so I am constantly updating, constantly wanting to become a better mediator, a better practitioner. And so even though, yeah, I could say, oh, yeah, I’ve been mediating for 18 years, but when was the last time that I educated? I go every single year to the AAML conference to get all the new cases. updates to get the new training to, you know, remind me maybe of things that, you know, I’ve just forgotten throughout the year of seeing people day in and day out and day in and day out. And so it’s good to have those refreshers. And so I think that it’s very, very important to find out how long they’ve been doing it. And then when was the last time they trained? Now, I think in our next episode, we’re going to move into then finding out about specialties. We’ll talk about attorneys or mediators or guardian ad litems that are doing general practice or specialties. We’ll talk about some more tips. We’ll talk about guardian ad litems. We’ll talk about best interest factors along with some other interesting things. information that I think is going to be really helpful when selecting a mediator, an attorney, or a guardian litem. And we’ll continue this conversation on best tips next time.