18. Weekdays & Weekends In a Parenting Plan How Does That Work?

Sydney Mitchell:

Hi. My name is Sydney Mitchell.

Matthew Brickman:

Hi, I’m Matthew Brickman, Florida Supreme court mediator. Welcome to the Mediate This! Podcast where we discuss everything mediation and conflict resolution.

Sydney Mitchell:
So today we are going to be diving into the weekday and weekend schedule of the child in the parenting plan. So what does the time distribution look like between one parent to another throughout the week and on the weekend? So Matthew just get started. Where does this, where does this conversation start within the parenting plan?

Matthew Brickman:
Oh my gosh. This

Sydney Mitchell:
Is such a big topic. And as somebody that grew up in a split home and I was switching between my mom’s and my dad’s my whole life more than the education and more than the babysitting, like those things fall to the wayside, comparison to the weekday and weekend schedule. This is really what determines the lifestyle of your child, especially when it’s over the course of their whole life like me. So I’m excited to dive into this and learn more about how this is decided upon between two parties.

Matthew Brickman:
All right. So let me give you just a little bit of background, as I’ve explained, you know, we’ve been going through the parenting plan, right? There’s a reason why they call it a parenting plan and not a child plan is because parents need rules. Children. Just like you explained, like if your parents came to you and said, Sydney, this is our schedule, you would have been like, okay, but it’s all how your parents sells it to you. If your mom came to you and said, Sydney, you’re going to go stay with your dad over the weekend. And Oh my gosh, I’m going to miss you, dear. I don’t know what I’m going to do without you like, Oh my gosh, it’s just, I don’t know. I’m just going to be beside myself without you. She’s going to give you a complex, right. But if she’s like, Hey Sydney, baby, um, you know, you’re going to go see your dad.

Matthew Brickman:
You can talk to me. We can face time. You know, I’ll see you in three days, you’re going to have a great time or whatnot going to be like, okay. And off you go, right. It is all how this time sharing gets sold to a child. Um, and, and let me just preface this with a, with, with a recent story. I had a mediation where a mother was threatening to kill herself. If the child was going to spend any more than three days a week with the father, I know, I know I’m looking at your face. Like what? Like, yes, it came out. No, it actually had come out in DCF reports come out, um, in a previous mediation that she actually told the child that she was going to kill herself. If the child was going to spend any more than three days with the father.

Matthew Brickman:
And of course the dad was wanting 50 50, which meant extra two days. And so the child was going well, no, the dad didn’t understand why, even though the child’s going, dad, I want to live with you the majority of the time, but I can’t come more than every other weekend. It was like, so this is so much, yeah, this is so much of how it’s sold. But what’s interesting is in Florida and in a lot of States, um, parents actually don’t have rights to their children. Talked about this when, and when I started the parenting plan and talked about, uh, the statute that says it is public policy of this state, that each child has frequent and continuing contact with both parents so that the parent parents can enjoy the rights, responsibilities and joys of childbirth. So when we get to the timesharing, a lot of times, you know, a mom or a dad to be like, and unfortunately a lot of times it is more than moms.

Matthew Brickman:
Uh, but just because you know, you and I have talked to many, many, many podcast episodes ago about the roles of the parents, right during the marriage post-marriage or posts. And so a lot of times people come to mediation go, well, I will give him, or I will give her, uh, three days of four days a week where my response is, well, thank you for playing, but it’s not yours to give. That’s not works. Child is entitled to this. This is not your you’re not giving anything. Or sometimes I’ll be like, absolutely. Don’t give him one extra day. Don’t you dare do it. Well, it’s not yours to give. Anyway, I might give him an extra decks. So let me just give you a little history in Florida, pre 2011. Um, we had primary and secondary current team and, um, in Palm beach County, how many other counties around Florida, there were models of, um, for timeshares.

Matthew Brickman:
So if the parties went to mediation or went to court and could not come up with a weekday weekend, schedule it purely came down to logistics. And the logistics came under the relocation statute that it says that your parents can’t live more than 50 miles away from each other without mutual agreement for consent of the court. We’ll get into that later when we get through, uh, go through the parenting plan towards the end, but we had three different models. So we’re based on logistics. So model one, where we call them on a one, two and three. So model one. Okay. It was an in-state model. If the parents live less than 45 miles apart. So if they lived less than 45 miles apart, secondary residential parent, and this is actually, I’ve actually been on all three of these plans because when my ex and I got divorced, we couldn’t figure this out.

Matthew Brickman:
We were a narcissistic childish and couldn’t get past ourselves. And so, you know, we couldn’t agree. And so the judge gave us a plan. Um, our judge didn’t say, which plan said, you’re getting the model plan. And that actually worked out for us because, you know, um, we live less than 45 miles, more than 45 miles and even out of state. So we just jumped through the plans. But, um, what that, what that basically was, was the secondary residential parent got one day a week and every other weekend. So they had every Thursday, afterschool and Thursday night, every week. And then every other week they had Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. That’s pretty close to what I grew up with. Yeah, they got, um, and let me just, let me just stop right there. The reason why it was Thursday was because it created the least amount of back and forth because it was attached to a weekend. Sometimes we’ve also done where it’s maybe every Monday and every other weekend, so it’d be free Monday. And every other Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, then Monday, then Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, that way there wasn’t this back and forth. And I think you had mentioned like yours was every Wednesday and every other weekend. Right.

Sydney Mitchell:
And it was Wednesdays and every other weekend. So it created a lot of back and forth that, you know, I guess just an encouragement to a parent, the way that you can simplify this for the child, the better, you know, when it comes to packing bags and textbooks and spending time with friends, you know, you know, I don’t know that could’ve been an option, so I wish I could have done that attachment all day onto the weekend.

Matthew Brickman:
Yeah. How was that for you though?

Sydney Mitchell:
Definitely. I mean, I, my parents got divorced when I was three and I grew up on this parenting plan since I can remember. So it’s really just what I grew up knowing. And then once I graduated high school, I did, I went attended college locally. And so I moved in full-time with, with my father and coming home to the same house every day was a really stark change. I just was so used to packing bags. And I was used to having all of my belongings in two different homes. You know, my closets were split in half, you know, I had two sets of cosmetics. I had two, you know, I just anything and everything you use on a daily basis I had to have, or had to split. And it definitely was challenging. I, you know, I’ll say it created some inconsistency, you know, for me that later on in life, when I finally did have some more stability in one home, it was really relieving.

Sydney Mitchell:
Um, you know, and just as a young child in elementary, middle school age, you know, as you’re making plans with friends and it just kind of complicates things, you know, having to bring your bag into a teacher’s classroom to leave it there during the day, cause you don’t want to carry it around, you know, and everyone’s situation is different, but for me it definitely presented some challenges. Um, but at the same time, that’s all I ever knew. So if I had begun a parenting plan like that, maybe, you know, mid elementary school or, you know, mid middle school having come from a stable home and then moving into an income, you know, a more consistent schedule, it probably would have been a little bit more traumatic, you know, having that stark change, you know, just in, in everyday lifestyle. Um, so yeah, I mean, like I said, any way that parents can simplify this for your children will, um, it will help every day, you know, counts because it is a lot for, you know, a young child to, to manage not only with their, with their, with their things, but psychologically, you know, and, and managing their own schedules.

Sydney Mitchell:
Like I said, with friends and things like that. So it is challenging, but, um, it can be done well when your parents present it well, and there’s not an incredible amount of animosity to where you as a child feel the tension and conflict between your two parents. Um, so it really just depends too, on the relationship that your, each of your parents have with one another, that can either make it a lot more challenging, put a lot of unnecessary burden or weight on the child. Um, you know, or if your parents have a cordial relationship, it can be a little bit easier. So, so yeah, I, like I said, it was challenging, but, um, it could have been worse.

Matthew Brickman:
So, so all of that has been, uh, fixed and simplified to give the consistencies stability, just like I read, like the statute has changed. Um, and we’re gonna explain that, um, in a moment when we get through these, these models, um, but, but then to continue through this model, the summer is split in half, five weeks in five weeks. Um, I will tell you rarely do I get a parent, even for us that lived less than 45 miles that we wanted to have the kids for a solid five weeks or be without the kids for a solid five weeks. I mean, that, that’s just a long time during the summer

Sydney Mitchell:
When you’re used to exchange, you know, having that exchange mid week on a regular basis.

Matthew Brickman:
Exactly, exactly. And then, um, and then winter break was split in half and they rotate the halves, um, spring break, um, it went even odd years, you know? Um, so one parent gets a one year. The other parent gets to the other year giving break, not the day, the break, the entire holiday gets split. Um, and then mother’s day as mom and father’s day, his dad, and then all of the other little holidays, alternate, um, like you have a long holiday weekend labor day, weekend, Memorial day weekend. We’re gonna get into all the holiday and stuff later. Um, that basically was the in-state model. Um, if you live less than 45 miles, if you live more than 45 minutes. So say for example, Sydney, um, that, you know, um, one parent lives in Palm beach gardens and the other one lives in Orlando. Okay, well, you can’t do one day a week and every other week I’d like, because you know, Wednesday, you had like Wednesday and every other weekend, your dad can get you at school from Orlando to Palm beach gardens. You know, in time

Sydney Mitchell:
Non Floridians is like a two and a half hour drive or something like that. So yeah,

Matthew Brickman:
Exactly. So not, not happening. So with them one, that one was a little bit different. So that one was just every other weekend. What was interesting was the model didn’t make sense because it was Friday until Monday morning. Well, again, you’re not getting that kid back to school Monday morning, it’s going to be a Sunday night. Right. Um, and then for the summer though, it was an extra week out of the summer. So it was six weeks out of the summer. And then all the rest of the stuff was the same, you know, half the winter vacation, it alternated. But spring break, every year that parent got spring break, um, Thanksgiving break split in half or harder, I mean, not alternated. And then all the other holidays where were the same, that was in state more than 45 miles. And then you had out of state, um, out of state was the first full weekend of each month, but in the state where the child lives.

Matthew Brickman:
So for example, my ex wife had the ability to come back to Florida to exercise the first weekend of each month, or if she wanted to exercise the long holiday weekend instead of the first one, then you have to give 60 days advance notice, but the first weekend of the month, um, and then you get, um, eight yeah, eight weeks out of the summer. So in Florida we have 10 weeks of summer vacation. So it was eight out of 10 weeks for summer. And then winter vacation, it’s still the same as in-state where it’s half spring break. These us, the out-of-state parent gets the, every spring break, Thanksgiving break still every other year. And, um, and then again with all those holiday weekends, if that out of state parent wants to come back to the state to exercise that fine, otherwise they’re just following their regular schedule. Um, and so those were the model schedules prior, now, 2011 happened, everything changed. The statute changed that I just spoke about. And I talked in a previous episode about the statute changing. Yeah.

Sydney Mitchell:
Um, so if, uh, I had a question, but I guess it doesn’t apply now to parents that are now beginning the parenting plan. If someone had begun a parenting plan free 2011, once everything changed, do they have the opportunity to change things up? Or was it like, what did that transition between, you know, those few years looking like, as things changed?

Matthew Brickman:
So, so you have a, you have a court order until you get a new court order. You’re not grandfathered in. So for example, my ex and I got divorced pre 2011, our plan was in place until either the court changed it or we changed it. But if we never changed it, even though it was pre 2011 and say it’s 2015, we’re still named primary, secondary parent. We still have our time sharing plan. There is no grandfathering and there’s no, Oh, well, the law changed. Now we can go and change now because the

Sydney Mitchell:
Discussion to be had.

Matthew Brickman:
Yeah. And the statute still States that there has to be a substantial material, permanent unanticipated change in circumstance to warrant a modification. So you just because you more time, or you don’t like the plan and you want to change it, it’s not right. Grounds to change. There’s gotta be a, a significant change in order to do that. So, um, so then 2011 happened, parents no longer have rights to their children. Children have rights to their parents. There’s no more primary and secondary parenting. There’s no more custody and visitation. And from a, a 10 year study of adult children, divorce, we got three. And when I say we, the American Academy of matrimonial lawyers were presented with three, uh, 50, 50 time sharing plans that were given to each state. Um, and the, these were based off of an, and you had just mentioned the Sydney with your, uh, uh, growing up on a parenting plan.

Matthew Brickman:
These were based off of the psychological and emotional needs of children and their development at different agents. These we’ll put together by China, the old psychologists, sociologists lawyers, doctors, politicians, judges, but the, that the child psychologist had a hand in creating these and there’s logic and reason that go behind it. So the first one is called the two, two, two, three schedule. Um, in this study, we got this, got this schedule. And they said, this is the most appropriate schedule. And these are suggestions. People can do whatever they want. Sydney, you know, as a mediator, I’m here to empower them, give them suggestions. They can do what they want, but, um, but this is appropriate for birth. So infant until school age, either four or five. And we say, four, five depends when they start school pre-K this is not kindergarten pre-K unless the parties want it to be kindergarten again, they can customize.

Matthew Brickman:
So let’s call it two to three schedule. If you look at this, there’s a lot of back and forth. So week one, dad is Monday, Tuesday, mom is Wednesday, Thursday, and then dad’s got a weekend, right? But then week two mom, Monday, Tuesday, and now dad is Wednesday, Thursday. I am on as a weekend. But then the next week, three dads back to Monday, Tuesday, and mom’s back to Wednesday, Thursday night, dad’s got a weekend. Well, this is a lot of jumbling back and forth. And when created a parenting plan, it’s there for three people for three individual, three entities it’s there. So mom has a schedule knows when she’s responsible and when she doesn’t have to be responsible, if they’re for dad. So dad can be responsible and know when he doesn’t have to be responsible, it’s there for the child to know where they belong.

Matthew Brickman:
And so based on, on a two to three schedule, what they said is at a, at this point, nobody goes more than three days without seeing each other, the child doesn’t go more than three days without seeing mom or dad and mom and dad don’t go more than three days without seeing the trial it’s and it’s with the statute, the child shall have frequent and continuing contact with both parents. Right? Well, there’s frequent and continuing right there. No one goes more than three days. What’s good about this is at that age going a long period of time, you risk creating separation anxiety. Well, that’s not good. You want a child like, Oh my gosh. You know, I’m I never going to see my mom again, am I never going to see my dad again? Because you got to think of a child at that age and you were there three, you had a parenting plan.

Matthew Brickman:
Your concept of time as a child is different than an adult, right? Like you could be dropped off at a neighbor’s home for 30 minutes while your mom runs to the store and your dad says, Sydney, what’d you do yesterday? I spent the day at the neighbors, right? Like your concept of time is different. The other thing is, let’s say, for example, that your mom’s coming to pick you up at your dad’s and your dad’s like, okay, she’ll be here in a few minutes and a few minutes to you anticipating, waiting to see your mom could be a lifetime for your dad. And he can, you know, do some laundry, you know, clean up the house and do it like as adults, we can figure out what to do. We can keep ourselves busy as children. We just have a different concept of time. So having a two to three, nobody goes longer than three days without seeing the parent.

Matthew Brickman:
But once a child starts school, as you mentioned a based on your time sharing schedule, that’s a lot of back and forth, like two days with mom, two days with dad, three days with mom. Now two days with dad, two days, three days with that. And it keeps jumbling. And if you look at the school week, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, because Friday, Saturday, Sunday is a weekend. So Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, if you look at that, it’s just jumbled week one. They’re with dad Monday, Tuesday, mom, Wednesday, Thursday. But then we to there with mom Monday, Tuesday, dad, Wednesday, Thursday,

Sydney Mitchell:
Having every week be different would be, I don’t know, to me so much more confusing. Like luckily for me every week goes to the same, you know, all Wednesdays, I was here all Fridays. I was here on Mondays. I was here. But the alternation between the alternation of word alternating, whatever between the alternating weeks. I mean, that’s gotta be looking at this is stressing me out because there’s just so many,

Matthew Brickman:
You know, now a lot of this it’s interesting. A lot of this has to do with the umbilical cord, the proverbial umbilical cord. Like it is time. Unfortunately, if you have they’re getting divorced or if it’s a paternity action, guess what, mom, it’s time to cut that on biblical cord and dad it’s time to attach it. And this, this eases everybody into a new way of living. Right. You know, rather than rip and tear or sever going, okay, we’re going zero to 60. It’s a way to, okay. We’re getting used to a new way of life without the shock and awe. Right. But I’ll tell you a Sydney from an adult point of view, you know, we’re now adults school work. Could you repeat

Sydney Mitchell:
Managing this type of a schedule, a complex schedule for my children?

Matthew Brickman:
Can you imagine looking at the schedule, telling your employer, okay. Week one and three, I cannot work late Monday or Wednesday and Thursday, Monday, Tuesday. But we too. And for like, even for you to schedule your work is difficult, right? So that’s why then you move to bout four or five years old or basically once the child is in school and has a schedule because here’s the other thing when the child is not in school, doesn’t have a schedule. You have 365 days. You’re not dealing with winter break, spring break, Thanksgiving break. Um,

Sydney Mitchell:
You’re not into daily school. Drop-off and pickup. Yeah.

Matthew Brickman:
But, but, but when you’re dealing with a two to three, you’re just dealing with 365 days a year. Now, when you’ve got school pickup drop off spring break, summer break, Thanksgiving, break, winter break, all this stuff. Okay. So you’re disruptive for the child to disruptive. So what they do is, and if you look at this now we’ve stabilized the schedule every single Monday, Tuesday mom, every single Wednesday, Thursday, dad. And then you’re simply alternating weekends. We call this the two to five, five schedule. Now nobody goes more than five days without seeing the child. But guess what? Guess what? The, the, the psychologist said, we start out with three days and now we just add to it’s a small job, right? And so what this does, is it stabilizes? It will now guess what? This makes life very easy because Sydney, at three years old, if you had this, you would know every single Monday, Tuesday until the day you turn 18, you’re with your mom every Wednesday, Thursday year with your dad alternating weekends.

Matthew Brickman:
And that’s it, there’s less of this back and forth jumping during the school week. Right? And going back to education, right. That this is how it all ties in together. Now mom might want Monday, Tuesday, because that’s where the agenda comes out. And she can plan for the week, make sure that all the assignments, everybody knows everything, what we’re for. And dad may want Wednesday, Thursday to help because he may be better prepping for tests. Right? So that’s some of the argument that sometimes we get from Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, the other thing is work schedules add may not be able to do Monday, Tuesday. He, you know, he, he, he actually made it like, I, I immediation recently were dad actually, um, was, uh, he actually traveled, uh, for most of his work. So he was gone Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, he would get back Monday night. So Mondays were not good for him. He was there every single Wednesday, Thursday. So sometimes it’s just the parent’s schedule. Right. But for the child, the child knows Monday, Tuesday with mom, Wednesday, Thursday with dad, what this does is it simplifies the holiday schedule.

Sydney Mitchell:
Sure. So in mediation, parents had the Liberty to make this look like whatever they want. Absolutely. But this is just kind of a starting point.

Matthew Brickman:
Absolutely. So then, and so we just, like, as we talk through all the logistics, why does this work? How does it work? What’s the thought process behind it? These are not just schedules like here. No, these were put together by psychologists, child, psychologists, and sociologists, studying children for a living going, we believe this is in the best interest of children based on all of the studies we have done and conducted through our entire career. Like that’s how these were put together. These were not put together by attorneys or politicians who don’t know anything about children. Right? These were put together by professionals that know children. And again, based on the psychological and emotional needs of children. But if you look here, it says four to five years old until maybe teenage or emancipation. Right. Sometimes people like, look, you know what? We have a four year old, let’s just get on the schedule and stay on the schedule.

Matthew Brickman:
Okay, fine. If you just want to start here and you don’t want to do that two to three. Great. Not a problem, but let’s go to the third one. The third one goes to a week on week off. So many times when we talk 50, 50 people, like we got to off, okay. Now the psychologists and the therapist said teenage to emancipation, maybe. And here’s why, because remember I said going from a two to three, to a two to five, five, you’re going from three days and you’re only adding two, but when you’re doing five, now you’re only adding two more to go to a seven. Right. So you’re doing it in shifts. So

Sydney Mitchell:
As the child is getting older, they’re able to switch around less and less.

Matthew Brickman:
Exactly. Exactly. And, and so, and so sometimes parents say, Oh, well we want the least amount of interaction with each other. Great. Go to a two to five, five, I’ll pick up, drop off as a school. You’re never going to see each other except maybe twice a year. But they think if we go to a seven, seven, we only have four exchanges. Right. But here’s the problem. The 77, they, the, again, psychologists that put this together said that it should be reserved for teenage too. I may ask the patient and it depends on a number of factors. Number one, has the child been on another time sharing schedule? How well do the parents talk and communicate? How well do they co-parent how far do each of them live from the school? How’s the child been doing in school? What is the child’s age? What is their emotional wellbeing?

Matthew Brickman:
These are all the things that go into, should the child be with one parent or without one parent for seven straight days? Because here’s the other problem we had talked about, you know, with the two to three creating separation anxiety, right? Well, what if you have a w what, what if you have a child of autism and they need consistency and stability, but mom and dad have two completely different ways of parenting, but two to five, five is going to be much better that a seven seven, if they’re going to do 77, take a look at the schedule. Cause this not look like a two to three, three. Again, if you look at Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, right? Because here’s the deal doing a Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday exchange where like Sydney, you may have week one all ends and then high may have we to all apps.

Matthew Brickman:
And then you’re going to have week three, all labs. Right. And we’re going to do either a Friday to Friday, Saturday. Well, this goes back to education. What happens is you are locked out of your kid’s education week two, two, and four, and I’m locked out week one and three. So there’s things that are going to overlap week to week and we both need to be involved. And so the suggestion, if you look at this as a Wednesday to Wednesday exchange that way we are both in every week for two days with the child’s education. I’m wondering why that split was right in the middle of the week. Yeah. Right in the middle way. So you’re only doing four splits. You’re doing four exchanges, but they’re mid week. So then both parents are involved every single week, the child’s education. So see how education also plays into the timesharing.

Matthew Brickman:
Depends on what they decide for education. You know what I mean? It, it, it’s all interlinked here and there’s so many different nuances to this. And then look, there are times where parents don’t want 50, 50. They’re like, no, I don’t want 50, 50. I don’t care. Okay, fine. So what do you want to do? And we can create the, sometimes we’ve got firemen or policemen schedules that they’re on for 24 hours. They’re off for 48 hours. I mean, and so there’s lots of different nuances, but this is a jump off as a starting in place, um, for time sharing for the weekday weekend. Um, and, and, and, and, you know, again, in Florida, we do not have a premise or a presumption of 50 50, but we got these in 2011. This is generally what the courts are doing. Um, and so it’s, it’s good to know going into mediation.

Matthew Brickman:
Okay. What am I looking at? What are the options? Um, you know, one of, one of the last things I want to touch on, um, before we conclude this for the, for the seven, seven is programming and deprogramming, Amanda, you’ve got two parents that aren’t getting along. So they want the least amount of interaction, but they have completely the different parenting styles. And so they’re with mom for one whole week under mom’s rules, mom’s way of parenting. And then now they’ve got to switch and go to dad. Dan’s going to spend probably the first two days, deprogramming the child from mom’s ways of thinking and doing, and then they’re going to get used to dad. And then they go back to mom and mom now is going to fight with the child for the first two or three days, deprogram you’re losing valuable time sharing.

Matthew Brickman:
And you’re really causing conflict with that. Yeah. So there, there there’s a lot of things or separation anxiety, you know, I’ve actually seen judges give a seven, seven to, to purely punish the parties for being stupid and immature. And so, and so they’ve actually given them a seven, seven, where you got a baby who is crawling angels falling or walking and getting bruises. And seven days on seven days off diaper rashes, everything else. And then the parents making accusations of abuse, like doesn’t work. It just, it doesn’t work. Um, and in some situations now in other situations, parents get along fabulous. They, you know, they, they, they will, they like the week on week off. And you know, what if mediation that we live in the shadow of the law, do whatever we want, but it’s all about getting creative, looking at best interest of the child.

Matthew Brickman:
But just knowing that I look, if we go to court, the court, it’s going to look at the statute that says it’s entitled to frequent and continuing contact. And so there is a section right here in the weekday weekend that if they do agree to a 50 50 timesharing, it says it is the intent of the parties to the child life. 50 50 time sharing with the parents model schedules, outlined below parties will cooperate and work with one another to adhere as close to the schedule as possible, and be flexible with any reasonable request to deviate on a temporary basis if need be. But the parties acknowledged that over time, there may be occasions when the child may spend more or less than 50% of the time with one parent and a given calendar year. And they’ll use their best efforts to follow the schedule as near precise, as possible in any such diversion from 50 50 will not alter the agreement nor the cost of supporting the child is set forth in the mediation agreement.

Matthew Brickman:
So basically what that means is this, once a party gets an equal timesharing schedule, if they want to jump between a two to three, a two to five, five or seven, seven, they can do so without me, without an attorney, they have to do anything. It’s just like, Hey, um, let’s, let’s move from a two to three to a two to five now. Okay. Because look, it’s 50 50. It’s not changing it. Now, if they’re going to go 15, the 50 to 60 40, or they’re going to go, like I had one Sydney recently where they had a 50, 50 timeshare and then mom moved overseas back to her home country. Well, okay. So you went from 50 50 to 80 20, we need to redo the parenting bland, like it’s going to change. And so, and so, you know, it’s all about being flexible, knowing your options, knowing where things come from, why things, you know, are all interlinked. And as you, as you can see these different sections, whether it’s shared parenting education, babysitting, they’re all intertwined and can help then either create or, or some as leave. It created a time-sharing plan. And then we’ve had to go back and undo one of the other pieces based on what they agreed to.

Sydney Mitchell:
Okay. One last question. And then we’re going to wrap up. Um, so at this teenage to emancipation stage, I remember once I got to be, you know, in high school, I wanted to make a change to my schedule. I thought that my schedule was a little bit too challenging. And I, you know, I remember asking my parents on multiple occasions to me, you know, is there something that we can do to make it less back and forth a little bit more consistent? So to that, does the child have any say in their schedule? Um, if the, if the, if the children are the ones having the rights to their parents now, obviously at an extremely young age, they don’t really quite understand, you know, you know, what’s going on, but as you know, a child gets into, you know, maybe late middle school and high school, they might start to have an opinion about what their schedule looks like. Do they have any say, how might this be approached? You know, if a parent on, you know, with a parenting plan has a child, that’s a little bit older that brings up the issue and wants to have a conversation about it. How can a parent navigate that and what, what can be done, um, or what can not be done?

Matthew Brickman:
Great, great question. Cause I get the, I get that and a mediation all the time. So yes, while the child is entitled to frequent get genuine contact, they’re still a child. The parent is in charge and, and children have an opinion, but the parent has the say. And so it is important. I encourage parents all the time, listen to your child, but take it with a grain of salt. Just know that once there is a parenting plan, your child is going to tell you what you want to hear is going to tell the other party, what they want to hear. And the child can be very manipulative and I’ve seen it play out in my own life. I’ve seen it play out, uh, many, a times in mediation. And so, you know, if a child says, I want to go live with dad and I had this recently where the child’s at, I want to go live with dad.

Matthew Brickman:
So the child went to live with dad. Why? Because dad had no rules. Mom had all the rules. Well, of course the child is 16. Wants to go live with dad. And I had one. I have to actually tell a quick story. I had one recently where John wanted to go live with dad. So mom acquiesce by 12 years old, dad let the child drive the car and drove it into a building, into a shopping center storefront. And now mom is in mediation going, um, we need to change the timeshare because he’s not making good decisions. You know? Like, I mean, there was a police report. The police were called, I mean the whole nine yards, like, what are you doing? Make 12 year drive the car, but still, yeah, it’s still the daughter of course wanted to stay with dad because dad didn’t have any rules.

Matthew Brickman:
So you still got to take with a grain of salt, but legally from, you know, you know, I mean, most courts that I’m aware of will not let a child come in and testify. They don’t want to involve children and litigation. The parents need to grow up, get out of their own way and be the parent that their child needs a debate, just like Missy told me. Um, but at the same time, you do need to at least listen to your child, but with a grain of salt, because they may be telling you what you want to hear, tell the other parent what they want to hear. And I mean, I had a mediation where, um, they’re sitting across the table from each other in a modification, accusing each other of not feeding the child. You never give our son money to get food is like, you’re full of you never give up.

Matthew Brickman:
And we had the guardian ad litem had their, who, the child advocate because DCF was involved with the case. And so it happened to be Columbus day and the child was off from school. And so I said to the guardian, I said, can you call the call the child? And I want to have a conversation with you and the child without mom and dad. And so we went in the other room call, the child, woke the child up. He was still in bed, not a child. I mean, he was 16 Liberty to do that in a mediation. I mean, well, I mean, with now without the, without the guardian ad litem, no, but being at the guardian, being that the child’s advocate was there and she was the one that had been with the child and everything. So anyway, she goes in and, uh, and uh, calls and, and, and says, um, has your mom been giving you money?

Matthew Brickman:
Yeah. Has your dad had given me money? Yeah. Well, what do you usually eat? Oh, I went out to Ruth Chris’s and I’ve been to Cheesecake Factory. And, and also both parents getting all this money and going out meeting then ever give our kid money. He was playing like, because he knew that they weren’t communicating. He saw an opportunity. Look, it’s not because he was a bad kid, but you know what? They created an opportunity which created a devious manipulative line child only to survive the situation Sydney, that’s it just a summary of the situation. So it is important for parents to try to co co-parent, but, you know, listen to their kid grain of salt. But these are, I mean, at least these are what the courts are generally doing. Um, you know, here, you know, at least in Palm beach, Broward Martin Dade, um, Okeechobee St. Lucie County, you know, I mean, this is what they’re doing. The majority, um, of the courts that I’m dealing with on a daily basis,

Sydney Mitchell:
Parenting plan is not over, there are still a ton of topics that we’re going to be talking through. So Matthew, thank you for kind of walking us through what some of those plans look like, you know, from a weekday and weekend perspective, as it pertains to time sharing. And I’m really looking forward to the next topics that we’re going to be discussing as we continue through the parenting plan.

Sydney Mitchell:
If you have a comment or question regarding anything that we discuss, email us at info@ichatmediation.com that’s info@ichatmediation.com and stay tuned to hear your shout out and have your question answered here on the show.